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Mom, it’s not your fault!

My mom is amazing. Her sacrifices made provisions for my stable foundation, growth and ultimate success. As I reflect on our lives, I am extremely grateful to her! She taught me through her actions what true unconditional love was all about and set the bar of expectations that I would have of any woman who entered my life.

Thank you mom for your faith, strength and sacrifices!

With all her greatness, there is one major issue I want to be sure is resolved.

It has taken me 40 years to realize that in spite of the man I’ve become, the loving husband and father I work diligently to be, and the positive relationship that I now have with my dad, my mom still feels like she let me down because of her failed marriage with my dad. Are you kidding me?

It’s not just my mom. I have encountered several women recently that somehow blame themselves for their failed marriage or relationship and accept full responsibility for challenges with their children that result from an absent father. WHY?

A woman doesn’t force her spouse to cheat or to be physically and/or emotionally abusive. Nor does a woman force him to neglect his child or children. A woman simply asks a husband or father to step-up and be the man he vowed to be.

I say to my mom and women everywhere who this applies to – please stop blaming yourself… It’s not your fault!

Forgive yourself and forgive him unconditionally so that you can move on. Otherwise, you simply carry this pain with you into the next relationship and you pass it along through your children. You hold onto this animosity while he has moved on, so in essence you hurt yourself, your kids and anyone else who is simply trying to love you – unconditionally.

What has been your experience? Have you or your mother not forgiven yourselves or others? Do you or your mother still carry guilt because of an absent father? Are you finding it hard to forgive AND forget AND move on?

In honor of all the great moms, especially my beautiful mom, here’s a brief poem I’ve written to hopefully put a child’s perspective on this issue to help you move toward unconditional forgiveness and healing:


So how could it be your fault?

You showed me how to make a dollar out of fifteen cents
The sacrifices you made to provide for me and pay the rent
I never really knew what all you went through
But your investment in my life was money well spent

So how could it be your fault?

Now that I’m a man and I’ve achieved some success in life
I’ve even made it through personal and professional strife
I give back to troubled youth all because of you
Why shouldn’t I expect the love and support that you’ve given me from my wife

So how could it be your fault?

I guess in some sense you are to blame
You gave me the freedom to explore my last name
You believed in me and saw what nobody else could see
I’ve lived my life with respect for you so that you would never be ashamed

It is your fault that I’m the man I am today
You made me see that I must treat everyone in a special way
Growing up without a father didn’t matter as much in the end
Thank you for being more than a mom; you’ve been my very best friend!



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